I See You
by Ladybug-Jojo
Summary: Set Post Finale. Alicia is about to leave L&G, leaving her letter of resignation but she runs into Will. And things escalate from there. Warning it is M-rated for a reason, also it is in the harder end of M-rated. (also Not a trick it is a real Alicia/Will story!)


_Okay I had this as a dream the other night... also this is not a trick AW-shippers i wrote an AW fic. it is however angry sex.. and there should be a warning about that a big one... also the story does have a sweet end...  
_

_(also OOC behavior probably for Will...) _

_Also it is dedicated to my new AW shipping friends you know who you are yourself... and my old ones (yup i have AW friends)... _

_I don't own the good wife Or grey's anatomy from where i borrowed a line or two ;-) or the title or song lyrics which i borrowed for Mika's song by the same name as the story!  
_

* * *

**I see you**

_For fear of what you might do _  
_ I say nothing but stare at you _  
_ And I'm dreaming _  
_ I'm trippin' over you _

_ Truth be told _  
_ My problems solved _  
_ You mean the world to be but you'll never know _  
_ You could be cruel to me _  
_ While we're risking the way that I see you _  
_ That I see you_

She looked around in the deserted office at this time of night, sighing in relief. She knew she was a coward in many ways. Like running, like making a choice by taking what made it hard out of the equation, instead of confronting it and facing it head on, figuring it out. Why did it never work for her, every time she said her and Will were done she kept on being selfish with him, like the phone call or their talk in the car. She kept on hurting him, if she wanted to or not. She kept hurting both him and Peter to be honest because if Peter knew what she had been up to, he would be hurt, too. However she hoped he would now never have to find out. She also knew she was a coward because instead of face Diane and Will head on and telling them she was quitting, she was here with a white paper envelope, addressed to Will with her letter of resignation. Nothing else, no explanation of what she was doing, no addressing of why or how she was leaving. She was even too much of a coward to include that she did it to start a new firm with Cary. She just had no idea how to tell him or explain it all. Because would there ever be an explanation that was enough? She didn't think so. She truly couldn't find any words that would be enough to explain it... to solve it... to heal... She knew he would feel betrayed - she might be stupid but not that stupid.

She was relieved that his office was empty as she entered it to place the letter on his desk, and she did so quickly, hoping to slip away fast without the risk of someone showing up a secretary or anyone really, least of all _him. _That would still be the worst. She was about turn around from his desk again so she could slip out of the office and be on her merry way, then she heard the steps behind her, and _his _voice.

"Alicia?" It sounded happy, almost excited, there was no trace of anger or hurt in his voice, letting her know he so far had no idea about the betrayal she was about to commit and the pain she was about to inflict on him. And she realized he might think she had come here to finally have the promised talk about them instead.

She stood completely frozen for a few seconds, considering how to handle it now. Cursing herself for not being faster in getting in and out and maybe just maybe avoid the confrontation she knew they would be facing now instead.

"Alicia are you alright?" He asked and she could almost feel him stepping up closer behind her. She swallowed the lump already forming in her throat. And closed her eyes for a few seconds, breathing out.

"Hey what is wrong?" He asked her like he sensed it. She really wasn't very good at it was she: All unable to keep her inner turmoil hidden. She sighed. She hadn't wanted to do this face to face, she hadn't wanted to have to see the look in his eyes then he realized what she was doing. She had wanted anything but to do THAT, it was too much too hard and painful.

"Alicia?" he asked again, his voice now sounding tenser, more confused, and she sighed while finally turning around to face him, she had quickly snapped the letter from his desk once more. One she was now fiddling with while looking to meet his gaze.

"I..." She wasn't sure what to say, instead she handed him the letter. Their fingers bushing quickly sending an electrical jolt through her making her pull her hand back quickly, the diamond on her hand glittering a little, something that would be impossible for him not to notice and she saw him sigh sadly, clearly realizing whatever she had come here for it wouldn't be what he had hoped for.

"What is this?" He asked instead while quickly opening it, pulling out the paper inside. She shuddered, she didn't want to be here while he read it, while he realized what it was about. And yet fate hadn't let her escape that, in some poetic justice she was faced with having to witnessed it. She took in his facial expression, how it became more and more grave and dark as he read the paper, before looking up at her again, anger, pain and confusion now painted in his eyes.

"What is this? Alicia you can't be serious..." He whispered, his voice confused and stained, and she shuddered, this was even more painful than she had thought it would be.

She looked at his eyes, a mistake though, because they made her want to crumble and look away.

"I need to..." She whispered, unable to come up with anything better, because she wasn't sure how to even begin to explain it.

"Need to? What is that even supposed to mean? Alicia... please tell me you are not really serious you are not really quitting... tell me you are not?" He begged her, his voice tense with fear and anger.

"I am..." She considered for a few seconds, before sighing deeply she could just as well tell him about the new firm too, get it out of the way. After all could this moment get any worse?

"Cary is starting a new firm..." She started to say, but then was interrupted, by Will's cold laughter.

"Yeah I know about that one, I found out already... but I had never thought you of all people would consider going with him... please tell me that is not what you wanted to say. That you wanted instead to say something like you are dropping it all just to be Peter's wife again... please tell me you have not all of this time ever since... please tell me you are not the leader who has been playing behind it all, planning this..." He asked her, and she quickly shook her head.

"No I wasn't... I knew he was leaving though..." She whispered softly, and the silence following that felt as thick as you would need a knife to cut through it, in the end she had to look up again at his face. His eyes were screaming at her to tell it wasn't true, that she hadn't known.

"I am gonna go with him..." She whispered softly, scared to even voice it and see more pain in his eyes.

"Why?" He whispered, and she swallowed. What could she say to that one? Was there really a simple answer other than the one she already given.

"I need to." She repeated unable to come up with one.

"That is not an answer... Why Alicia... why do you need to leave and betray me... why do you feel the need to constantly leave me over and over again, never once starting to consider why you keep coming back again. Why you are unable to let go completely of this feelings between us...?" He asked her, his voice and eyes angry now. Telling her the story of his pain.

"Because I'm... because I can't Will... I can't... please... I need to leave, I can't stay here..." She broke off her words, unable to finish them, it was too hard. Her tears were covering her cheeks now, making her broken and sad.

"What... you have no other way... oh cut it Alicia... the fact is you could control it between us for a more than a year with no problems so that is a lie... and yet you still couldn't stop it... have you ever considered that it might be because you don't really what to stop it... what we could have is worth fighting for instead of shutting it down like a fire you want to burn out. Why won't you give us a chance... A real one it is all i am asking for. Maybe it won't last maybe it won't be good, but please give it a chance." He asked angry and sad, his words making her feel ill.

"Because I am married... Will it is wrong... it wouldn't work... we are just... I have a responsabilities... kids..." She whispered softly, brushing back tears of her cheeks.

"What about what you need Alicia... what I need... what you actually want!" he asked her, staring into her eyes, and she felt like he was reading her soul not just her eyes. She gulped.

"I am doing what I need to do... Will please understand... we wouldn't work... it is too impossible..." She told him softly.

"The only reason we doesn't work is because you don't let us work... instead you keep going back to a marriage or a family that clearly doesn't work either, since you come back to me every time, too." he told her, his word shaking her not because they were untrue but because he was right.

"You don't know that..." She answered instead, not able to admit to him that he had hit the nail on the head.

"Aren't I? Tell me then you don't want this!" The next moment he had grabbed her and pulled her in closely, his lips slamming down on hers, silencing everything she could possibly want to say, making her feel like she was fainting. She was clinging to him for a moment letting him kiss her and kissing him back for a few seconds before she realized what was going on, then she pushed against him and broke the kiss. Anger and pain filling her, along with confusion.

"No... don't..." She whispered, pushing at him to let go of her. She knew if he kept holding her, kept kissing her she would give in and she couldn't do that. It was the one thing she couldn't. In a few days she would be remarrying Peter. She couldn't do this, she needed to get away. So she pulled and pushed away from him, but he caught hold of her wrist, pulling her back against his chest this time, his lips covering hers once more. Not letting her push him away, instead he kissed her harder. She was pushing at his chest, trying to fight against it, against him. Against the need and warmth already filling her, craving for her to give in, to do what she wanted and needed instead of keeping on pushing it away. But he didn't let go not this time. He bit her bottom lip, something which made her gasp in shock - he had never acted like that with her before. The next moment he had taken the opportunity to let his tongue slip into her mouth meeting and stroking hers.

She was still trying to fight him off, her ineffectual fists pushing at his hard chest, but he just pulled her closer, and that was when she couldn't do it anymore, couldn't fight him anymore, couldn't find the longing for him anymore. Her tongue met his, caressing it and she was suddenly returning his kiss, her hands no more trying to fight him off and instead clutched at the material of his shirt, pulling him closer.

She sighed into the kiss and sucked on his tongue, making him moan softly.

She felt herself being pressed against his desk before he hoisted her up on it. She didn't think twice about hooking her legs around his waist while he pushed her tight fitted dress further up her tights so he could get closer to her. Pressing himself fully against her, letting her feel the evidence of his desire for her where she needed it the most. She moaned softly, whimpered in need for him.

She had given up trying to object, this felt too good, too right. One of his hands was making work on her jacket, helping her out of it while she did the same with his. Without breaking the kiss, they let go of each other long enough to shed both jackets before clutching to each other again.

She was happy she had worn a low cut dress when he broke off the kiss, letting his lips drift along her jaw line and down her neck, placing passionate kisses on her skin making her whimper in pleasure. He found her pulse point and sucked on it, nibbled at it, something she was sure would leave a mark.

_A mark? _The words registered in her mind and she was suddenly pulled back to reality of what she was doing. They were in his office. She was married. She was cheating, and she stiffened up. And started to push him away once more. She couldn't do this, it was too much.

He felt her stiffen in his arms but he ignored it and kept on kissing her neck, in the hope that it would make her let go again, but it didn't. Instead, she started to push him off her once again.

"Please... stop." She whispered in confusion, pushing at his chest. "I can't."

_- i can't? I can't what? want you? want you more than i ever wanted anyone else... deny you? like i have never been able to resist your kisses and touches... Be with you? because it makes me a bad person... not want you? because that is what I am feeling... _

All were thoughts that ran through her mind in addition to those two words "I can't!" Mostly though were the words,

-_I can't love you... i am not free to do so please understand, _screaming in her head.

* * *

Will pulled back and looked at her. She was so beautiful, her lips slightly parted and bruised from his assault, her hair mussed and her dress hitched up almost to her hips. But the passion and fire in her eyes was what he liked the most. No, he wasn't letting her run this time, it might be his last chance for real. If he let her go she would leave his life completely in every sense of the word. Their friendship would be over, it probably already was, as he had no idea how he could forgive her for leaving him and the firm again, betraying him. And the chance of something more with her would be gone too, as she would remarry Peter, and be his forever. No, he couldn't let her run, not now. He needed to convince her how much she needed him, or at least her body did, because he feared a part of her only needed him because of that. That all he was to her was a warm body to give her pleasure. And if that was it he would at least make sure she knew just how good at that he was.

Plus, he knew that she wanted him. At least a part of her did, or she would never let him kiss her in such way to begin with, she would never have returned it like she did.

She pushed at his chest again, trying to get him away from her, so she could get off the desk. But he quickly caught a hold on both of her wrists.

"Let go of me...Please Will I can't... I married I can't..."

He didn't say anything instead he leaned in again to kiss her, silencing her once more.

"I mean it, Will! Please." She was half pleading with him, but her voice wasn't one that spoke of any real desire for him to do that. Instead it was one that asked him to give her an easy way out like all the other times, but he couldn't not this time. If he did he would lose her forever, and that thought was too unbearable.

He pulled her closer to him once again and slanted his mouth over hers in another soaring kiss. God, he had wanted to never stop kissing her, feeling her velvet lips under his. Her lips parted in surprise and he quickly let his tongue slip inside her hot cavern once again, tasting her secrets again.

She gave up her fight against him, and giving into him, returning the kiss and pulling him further into her, something that made him smile into the kiss.

With his free hand he cupped one of her soft breasts. He felt her nipple harden under the brushing of his thumb, beneath the thin fabric of her dress. She whimpered in pleasure against his lips confirming that he was getting to her. Alicia's light whimper of pleasure turned into a high pinched scream, when he pinched her nipple. He quickly brushed his thumb over it once again, soothing the it, before repeating the action once more.

He let his hand drift further down her body, to the hem of her dress, now resting around her hips. He caressed her outer thigh lightly, before sliding his fingers over her inner one and up to the apex of her thighs brushing his fingers across the soaked silk of her thong. His actions had Alicia groaning in pleasure, letting him know just how much she liked his touch and his ministrations on her.

He found the side of the thong, and not wanting to waste any time moving away from her he quickly ripped them off her. She gasped in surprise, while he stuffed it into the pocket of the pants. At least he would have one last piece belonging to her even after tonight.

He let his fingers brush over her now naked core, slick with her wetness almost seeping out of her, assuring him completely of her desire for him and this.

He noticed her sigh softly as his fingers started to manipulate her soaked flesh. He slowly entered her with one finger, while his thumb rubbed her clit.

He forgot how deliciously felt around his fingers, erection or tongue, how she was all slick and velvet like. He felt her squirming against him as he let another finger join the first, curling them both upward to reach her g-spot.

He fucked her slow and hard with his fingers, hitting her special spot with each thrust of his hand. Letting a third finger join the first two. He wanted her on the edge, and to burn how much she liked his touches on her body into her memory. And he was succeeding if her legs wrapped around his waist was any indicator at all.

He felt her inner walls starting to clench around his fingers, and pulled his fingers out of her as she whimpered and groaned in frustration.

Breaking off their kiss, he pulled back so he could look at her, while sucking her juices from his fingers, while her eyes opened slowly and focused on his actions, watching him. And he took in how she licked her lips slowly, clearly enjoying the sight.

He carefully unwrapped her legs from around his waist, getting a confused surprised look from her.

He moved a little away and took hold on her shoulders, pulling her down from the desk and turning her around. He placed one of his hand at the center of her back and pushed insistently to bend her over at the waist. Something she did, resting on the desk. He wanted to make her remember this, and he knew this position would have her coming hard and fast soon enough. He would have preferred to look into her eyes. But he also feared if he did that he would never be able to see anything but the look of pleasure on her face as she came, and he couldn't risk that. This would make her remember it completely and he would maybe be a little less haunted by the memory.

He unzipped his pants, lowering them and ran his hand along her wetness making sure she was still ready for this.

He placed himself at her moist entrance and using his hand, he moved his erection around in small circles, slipping through her wet folds, coating it in her juices, making her moan and whimper impatiently. When he couldn't take torturing her more he thrust into her hard. Filling her completely in one hard thrust, making her scream out in pleasure. Finally, buried to the hilt he began to fuck her from behind. With long, hard deliberate strokes, he slid himself into her over and over again, making her moan and whimper, not giving her any time to adjust, because he knew she wouldn't really want it. He thrust hard into her over and over again, loving the feeling of being in her once more. He felt her walls start to clench around him, and then she came, as he thrust into her harder and harder. She was crying out in pleasure, as wave after wave struck her. As she came, she let out a cry each time he slammed into her. He was close to letting go but he couldn't do that to her, they were in his office and he hadn't used any protection, and he might want to mark her, make her remember him, but a child was not the way to go by that. So he did everything to hold back, gritting his teeth to do so as she clenched down hard on him, feeling like a fist closing on his erection. But he did manage it. And he stroked in and out of her a few more times as she rode out the last waves of pleasure, before he pulled out of her, still rock hard.

He had no idea how he managed to stumble over to his desk chair and collapse into it, needing to calm down before he could ever manage to get out of here. She was still bend over his desk and he could hear her panting hard, trying to catch her breath. He locked eyes with her as she finally moved and rose up, staring at him for a moment with a weird look on her face, her glance flickering from his eyes to his erection for a second. And the next moment she was the one kissing him, straddling him in his chair, taking him inside her warm velvet walls, while once more whimpering in pleasure, her nerves intensified by her orgasm only seconds before. He groaned at the feeling of her surrounding him in her wet slick heat once more. He kissed her lips passionately, and he couldn't say no to her, like he never could. His hands grasped her hips and he started to help her lower herself up and down on him. His erection slipping easily into her drenched heat, which was slick with her juices. Lifting and lowering her up and down on him, he fucked her hard and slow once more, with her weight coming down with each stroke. His erection was bottoming out hard in her wetness, making her groan and moan loudly.

She began convulsing as her passion consumed her once more. She was gushing with juices as she was hit with wave after wave of pleasure once more.

As she cried out and screamed in pleasure and bucked and writhed on him, he couldn't hold back anymore, the sight and feeling of her was too much and he let out a cry as his own orgasm swept over him. Pulling her down hard on him again and again as they rode out the waves of passion together. It seemed like her orgasm intensified at the feeling of his joining her. Before it began to subside. Finally he stopped shuddering, and she collapsed onto his chest, burying her face against his neck, all limp in his arms. He felt limp, too, completely limp actually, spent and exhausted. He knew it had very likely been his goodbye to her, that it should have been just that but right here he saw there was no chance he could give her up without one real last try. No holding back this time. He needed to force her to hear the words she hadn't wanted to hear before. Because that was his last call.

"I love you... please don't leave me Alicia... I don't mean the firm, leave that if you must... but don't leave me... give me a chance to love you... don't marry him again... chose me Alicia... Because you are the only one I love... the only one I have ever loved... you make me a better person. So I beg you to pick me, chose me and love me..." He whispered against her hair, taking in how she gasped softly against his neck and grew tense. For each minute there passed since he spoke and before she answered he grew more scared. He had put his heart out there for her one last time, putting everything out there.

She pulled back, softly staring at him, confused and scared.

"Please don't say that... please..." She whispered.

"I have to say it Alicia. I waited too long by not saying it. Lost too many chances with you. I love you." he repeated, his eyes looking into hers. "So please don't leave me... I know you are scared, I know you are terrified but we can work through that together, just give me the chance." he begged her.

Minutes passed once more where she just looked into his eyes. He could see a tons of emotions pass through hers, many he didn't like at all and feared would have her running out of here any moment. But finally one emotion took its place. One he had longed to see in her eyes, since as long as he could remember. _Love. _He saw love in her big mossy green eyes, as she nodded slowly. She hadn't even finished her nod before he had pulled her back in and was kissing her deeply.

"Love you..." He mumbled against her lips, making her sigh, and softly return the words for the first time, making his heart bust with joy. There were still tons of things to work through but he was hopeful now, his heart singing in joy, as he had finally gotten his perfect girl.

_ I'm standing across from you (But I see you) _  
_ I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do (But I see you)_

* * *

_okay please let me know your thoughts... I have lately found myself drifting back into this couple so it won't by any means be the last of them i write... and again i am really not trying to make any tricks... ;-) please let me know ;-) also since i am on vacation i welcome story ideas... making a list of ideas to see what inspires me so please pitch in;-)_


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